Topics of Conversation for Better Intimacy

When it comes to increasing emotional and physical intimacy in a relationship, many couples struggle with where to begin. We've designed this short list of questions to answer together. You can answer these all at once or a few at a time.

After sharing the questions together, it may be beneficial to share your answers and discussion with your couple's therapist.


Here are the questions:

  1. What helps you feel desired emotionally?

  2. What helps you feel desired sexually?

  3. Is there something I already do that helps you feel desired that you’d like me to do more of?

  4. What makes you feel less desired emotionally?

  5. What makes you feel less desired sexually?

  6. Is there anything I do that makes you feel less desired?

  7. How do sex and intimacy differ in your mind?

  8. What are your fears about yourself in our sexual relationship (e.g., rejection)?

  9. Which attribute of me do you find most sexy?

  10. What are three words that describe your ideal sexual experience?

  11. What is your favorite sexual memory of us? Why is this your favorite? How did you feel (emotionally) afterwards?

  12. What do you think are our biggest barriers to having the emotional intimacy we want?

  13. What do you think are our biggest barriers to having the sexual intimacy we want?


After each of you have answered the question, discuss the similarities and differences. Is there anything that surprised you about your partner's answer? Were there similarities that hadn't been realized before?


There are many ways to increase intimacy in a relationship and conversations such as these provide a helpful start to the process.


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